A little urn for New Year's... *sniffle*

Well, so, on Thursday I picked up Panda's ashes from my vet, who will handle cremations through a private crematory in the area.

All that she was, my cobby barn moggy, fits into less than a coffee cup. I have to write names on the urns now, because they all look the same and the ribbon tying the inside bag on Panda's is the same colour as Lenny's. There are 3 of them here now... and I really don't know what to do.

My vet and I have both commented that we're not particularly sentimental, except when it comes to cats. Me, I don't truly have a belief in an afterlife, nor in religion, nor the idea that cemeteries are particularly "holy ground" - no more so than the rest of the Good Earth is, anyway. I don't visit graves, except random ones if I decide to walk through some of the lovely lands where the local departed are interred. I don't relish buying a vault for my cat-friends and leaving their ashes somewhere far away. I also can't think of anywhere I'd want them scattered - we've always been rental apartment dwellers and they have always been indoor cats. There's no yard or garden they loved to be in. And I can't even keep a potted plant alive to put them in that. If I did scatter them, and then changed my mind, I could not have them back, either.

Having a collection of tiny funeral urns as decor is not appealing in itself, but I have them for now. It seems just a bit too callous to have them sent off to mass cremation and landfill. I know they're gone. There's no mysticism to keeping the dust that remains near me, other than as a reminder of the sweet memories, along with their collars, favourite toys, and photos.

I think that's why the diamonds idea is the only thing that really appeals to me. It's not about thinking there's something of their essence left, it's about giving me a touchstone to keep me level through the grief. Something beautiful to reattach me to the beautiful creatures I've been fortunate enough to share some time with, even though they have gone now.

Oh well. Like I said before, if I'm ever stupidly rich...

For now, my dear Panda ov Toes is sitting with her mentors and good friends, Lenny and Lucy, quietly and unobtrusively on a shelf here. And we who are here, are looking forward now, to another New Year.