I Got Art! From an Amazing Kid

Don't know how many readers I have anymore, as I am so sporadic on posting, but I actually have a Part Two to a post from earlier this year. Little Jack of JackDrawsAnything.com has finished his ambitious project, and I was one of the last few donors who got my drawing request in before the to-do list had to be cut off to allow the youngster to still have a normal life!

With my life being a little disrupted last month by Mom passing away and the usual kind of busy... I had neglected to check Jack's blog as frequently as I was, and I'd not even realized that I'd borked the forwarding on my blogger-tied email account, so it was almost a month before I realized Ed (Jack's Dad) had sent a little note saying Jack finally finished my request. Here it is:

My Siamese Cats Sudo and Blue (sniffing Sunflowers) by Jack.

I am so charmed by this. I only sent Jack a written description of Siamese cats, thinking they're not completely familiar to all, but guessing Ed may have helped with some Googling if reference pictures were needed. I had not realized Jack took a foray into painting, not just drawing, late in his project. One of his paintings was an adorable interpretation of Van Gogh's Sunflowers, and Ed explained the embellishment to this picture - Jack liked the Sunflowers so much he painted my cats right afterward sniffing their own arrangement of sunflowers.

This picture totally made my week.

I wanted to let everyone know, though, while Jack's project has wrapped up, his hospital is still very busy and in need. Sadly, I heard via Twitter today that Jack's littlest brother Noah is again admitted with terrifyingly severe breathing difficulties. I know that everyone's dollars are stretched and if you're like me you prefer to give locally. That's OK. I encourage you though to take a gander at this little guy's monumental effort, maybe buy his book (?!?!!! yay !), watch the video, and consider, if you can't spare 10 quid for Edinburgh Royal Sick Kids, maybe your own local hospital, regional Children's hospital, or an umbrella organization could use a spare $20 if you have one.

Remembrance and Celebration

I will see if I can sort myself out well enough to write more later.

Below is the official obituary/notification, from Smith's, tidied up to add links.

For those who have us on Facebook, Jenn wrote a heartfelt tribute that I could pretty much just second: https://www.facebook.com/notes/jennifer-botari/bye-mom.

Visitation Location:	Burlington Art Centre
Service Date:	2011-10-15
Service Time:	1-4 p.m.
Service Location:	Burlington Art Centre, 1333 Lakeshore Road, Burlington.
Obituary:	Botari, Dennise M. (nee Edwards) Passed away suddenly on Wednesday, October 5, 2011 at the age of 71 at St. Joseph’s Hospital surrounded by her loving family. Beloved wife of Russell and mother of Johanna (Adam Benjamin), Jeffrey (Laura Boshis), and Jennifer (Chris Howard). Proud grandma to Sarah, Owen and Holly. Dennise is also survived by her brothers, Jack and Michael Edwards. Predeceased by her parents Sophia and John and her sister Frances. Cremation has taken place. The family would like to invite friends to an afternoon of remembrance and celebration of Dennise’s life on Saturday, October 15, 2011 from 1-4 p.m at the Burlington Art Centre, 1333 Lakeshore Road, Burlington. A special thank you to the doctors and nurses from the nephrology department and dialysis unit at St. Joseph’s Healthcare, Hamilton. In lieu of flowers, donations to St. Joseph’s Healthcare Foundation would be appreciated. (Arrangements entrusted to Smith's Funeral Home, Burlington,ON, 905-632-3333).

It's a rare thing to revisit a childhood memory and not find it somehow lacking once one has a middle-aged perspective. So, it's that much sweeter when such a visitation doesn't disappoint.

After a triple snootful of dog fur fibre experimenting today I really needed to clear the fuzz from my allergic head. I decided to do one better than yesterday's brief, grungy swim and head in the general direction of a Provincial Park I remember camping at as a kid.

Silent Lake is in Cardiff, by its mailing address, near Bancroft and according to Google Maps, less than an hour away from where I'm hanging out in Haliburton. One of my few memorable family vacation destinations outside of Algonquin, I remember the lake being deep, black and cold, and I remember abandoning the beach for my preferred launch pads of rocks above steep drop-offs. My favourite swimming lake is one where the view seems to go as far down into the cold black as it does up into the blue sky. The kind of lake where the monsters live, but they are shy and stay down deep, away from something like me lolloping around on the surface. Silent Lake fits this bill.

I started at the day use beach just off the entryway on the large westerly bay - and really, I shouldn't have, but it was still a lovely swim. There were no accessible rocky outcrops over deep water, so I quickly beat it out past the marked swimming line for a floating raft that must've been in at least 20 feet. The lake is forested all around so was already shady by 6 pm, but out far enough it was still lovely and sunny so I could alternate floating, paddling, and lounging on the raft for quite a while. I paddled in to explore outside the beach area among rocks, weeds, deadfalls, etc. and back out again. In total irony, after a few hundred metres of deepwater paddling and stumbling safely through all the treacherous wading, I did this to my foot:

by kicking the damned cinderblock anchor for the buoy line that marks the "safe" swimming area. GAH!

After cleaning my foot up and drying off, I decided to quickly tour the campground area, and only then realized what I should have done for swimming - it wouldn't make any difference that I went to the campground beaches with a day pass, no one would check as many campers are so remote they drive down to the beaches anyway. So I went out the back of Pincer Bay at the northeast extent of the lake, and this started to look a bit familiar. Tiny sheltered beach with just a bit of sand poured over granite bedrock for a comfy wading area, but all around here are rocks jutting out, and water that deepens quickly. Not wanting to find somewhere to change again, I just hiked around the extent of the bay, wading onto the slightly wet rock shelves to look over the drop, to and from the canoe rental and dock. Then I just sat for a while, wishing it weren't so close to sunset. I could have stayed for hours.

It was fun at both main beach and back bay to listen to and watch other people. Kids doing just what I used to do - a little sprout so proud of herself for swimming along with her dad all the way to the raft. A kid smaller than my nephew expertly handling his own mini-kayak along side the family canoe. There are some newer vehicles out there than there were back when I'd steal the old Coleman tugboat at night and float around on my back looking at stars. 6 ft kayaks and paddle boards were everywhere, I may need to try one someday! What a great way to wander in and out of every nook of that craggy shoreline. I saw several fishers out trying to see what they could catch with lure and worm at dusk - the younger ones all excited and grossed out at once, older ones keeping their distance and quiet. I don't think I feel the need to go fishing again, but sliding silently around a lake at dusk isn't unpleasant.

Alas - I have one more day of school and no camping gear, not to mention the bonked-up foot, so taking that little adventure any further will have to wait for another time. Still, it was a well-spent $14 of nostalgic zen to tuck into my busy week. Glad to know some of what I used to love in the world is still out there, enduring.

Finding the Right Fit - Insulin Edition

I've been using a Medtronic Paradigm VEO insulin pump for a bit over 3 months now. There have been ups and downs, but generally, I really like it. My A1C came down a bit, but the big advantage particularly since I sprung for the extra cost of the Continuous Glucose Monitor, is the levelling off of ups and downs, and the 24/7 profiling and feedback to really help with fine-tuning what goes on.

When I got started I just did largely what my nurse/trainer said to do, but it's clear that some individual preferences will come up with insulin pump use, just like with anything diabetes. I wasn't sure I liked the infusion sets I first stocked up on (I'm not sure I don't, either, I just didn't have a range of comparison). I called Medtronic to discuss, and was generously offered a couple each of about 4 different types to try out. I think I'll do so, in turn, and then blog a rundown of what I find.

First off, the "infusion set" is the equipment that goes from the pump to your body. It consists of a reservoir to hold insulin, which is installed in the pump, a tube of some length (can vary) and a needle or cannula that is inserted under the skin. These various components can, sort of, mix and match, in that you can get different sizes of reservoir, different lengths of tubing, and different types, angles, and lengths of needle/cannula.

The one I started with is the Silhouette, which was the one my nurse recommended, and does seem the most flexible. I had a sample QuickSet too, but messed it up experimenting, so I've used the Silhouette for now.

Here's my run-down on my first experience:

PRO:

• can vary insertion angle 20-60 degrees or so - nice for different areas of body (legs don't need to go as deep as belly, for example).
• can insert manually or with an inserter (a spring-loaded pop-gun kinda thing to shoot in the cannula)
• soft cannula (once insertion needle is withdrawn)
• sticks pretty darn well. Entire set is stuck down to adhesive.
• tubing disconnects at site to take off pump for a bit
• 2 cannula lengths and 3 tubing lengths available
• and, this is neat - you can buy "cannula only" if you need to change your insertion more frequently than the reservoir/tubing, saving money and disposable plastic.

CON:

• I don't know if this is the silhouette or any infusion set for me, but I find the site gets irritated after a couple of days. It fees bruisey and swells a bit.
• I'm learning I need to be a bit picky with where and in which direction I insert the cannula as much as what angle of insertion I use. If I put it in, avoiding stretch marks, but then cross a stretch mark under my skin, this is uncomfortable and possibly affects absorption. Similarly, I have "kinked" the cannula while it was in my skin, either because I went too deep (possibly the 17 mm is too long for me) or I inserted in an area where my skin is mobile and rolls and moves.
• The introducer needle is almost an inch long, and you cannot insert this particular set at a 90 degree angle at all.
• The Sil-serter, which is necessary for one-handed use when inserting the set on the back of an arm or on a hip, is a bit awkward in the positioning of the trigger and the fact that you have to push another button to release the set and not pull it back out again. I'm not sure how I could suggest a better design and I'm getting the hang of it, but it seems more difficult than it should.

For now, I have a good stock of this model and find it does the job well and isn't too hard to live with. The "cons" I've noted are either logistical and can be addressed, for example, I will switch to 13mm rather than 17mm, or are things that have to do with me rather than the product (adhesive sensitivities; already messed up skin).

I did just get a chance to try the Sure-T model and in fact am still using the (rather short) tubing from that on my next Silhouette cannula as the connection is the same, so I'll chat about that one next time.

I guess I gotta thank King Steve for something...

The one thing Harper's accomplished for me is driving me to a better education and understanding of our democratic systems in Canada. Mainly by abusing them badly, mind you.

I never was very politically active. I grew up with voting parents, who watched and listened to news, so I knew from childhood that each individual had a role to play in democracy. Admittedly, though, I didn't see a big difference in my world with who sat in the PM's chair. Trudeau in my childhood, Mulroney in my teens, and there was always that third guy somebody on the Air Farce made fun of and an upstart from Quebec from time-to-time. A couple of short-lived designates in between some other names. Life seemed to go on, somehow, though I think during the Mulroney years my family was less secure than before or since, mainly due to some ridiculous mortgage interest rate.

Other than that vague awareness, I've voted in all federal and provincial elections since I was old enough to do so. For various parties. Usually based on info I gleaned from listening and talking to others.

What's really making a difference now, and got me started watching carefully, was the current Prime Minister's antics to derail both democratic processes and common decency, in some ways. American-style attack ads assaulting character and person rather than platform and policy. Partisan and obstructive behaviour aimed at crippling Parliament. The the fixed election dates law passed in 2006, which seemed - well, a stupid and unnecessary thing and one established to make our system look more American than for any real functional purpose. We already had law that an election was to be called no more than 5 years after the last. Reasons for calling one earlier still existed and were not changed by the fixed-date law. The real nudge to pay attention came when, about 2 years after ramming through the fixed-date law, Stephen Harper effectively, if not in exact technically, broke it for no reason than his own partisan advantage, thinking he was polling high enough to turn his minority government into a majority by forcing Canadians into an election nobody wanted. Yes, you see, the 2008 election was the one nobody (except Stephen Harper) wanted. Apparently the result proved that, as the status quo was returned.

Then things got interesting, but not in a good way, and I lost any shred of respect for the Conservative Party of Canada and its leadership, which had clearly buried any notion of the "progressive" side of conservatism which was one of its founding parties, and was clearly on the way to being the Republican Party of Canada. While the lies and contradictions, looking back, were already racking up between 2006 and 2008, the behaviour around and immediately following the 2008 election clinched it, when partisan CPC MPs and their leader began misleading or outright lying to the Canadian public about the nature of our democratic system, Parliament and Constitution. For a rehash of that, to save the typing, I'll refer you back to my posts dated December 1, December 3, and December 5, 2008, during which I discussed exactly why referring to a coalition as any of "illegal", "unconstitutional", "separatist", or in any way inappropriate for Canada.

What has continued in the 2.5 years since has demonstrated the same lack of basic respect for Parliament, elected MPs, the offices and agencies that serve the country, and generally, for Canadians, particularly those who seek progressive consensus, rational adult behaviour and just plain straight answers on what is going on in Government.

... this post to continue later, I do in fact still have a real life to deal with....

Voting for Democracy, not Dollars....

... because, seriously, "The Economy" doesn't give a damn and will go on the way it goes.

But I'm a little worried about basic personal rights and freedoms in my country right now.

I keep writing and deleting blog posts this past week, because I'm practically incoherent with rage over what's been going on. This is my 3rd attempt tonight. Seriously, if you want better writing, follow me on Twitter because I re-tweet much smarter, more in-depth reports and analysis than I can actually write. But here are a few basic things I want to review, as I'm also incoherent over once again, how little seems to be understood by those who are about to send another 308 representatives to the House of Commons of Canada.

1. The Government of Canada was defeated on a non-confidence vote having been found to be in Contempt of Parliament. This had nothing to do with a budget, or some sort of sinister coalition plot, despite the apparently delusional continued assertions of our outgoing Prime Minister and his pals. This is a HUGE unprecedented occurrence in all the history of all the Parliaments of the world. Essentially, the people of Canada, through their elected Members of Parliament, fired their (unelected! look it up) Government for obstructing the country's business. If the Government had been a person, this could have led to criminal charges and being barred from running for office again. Unfortunately the finding against a collective body cannot translate that way.

2. An election is therefore NECESSARY, as it was the conclusion of those we previously elected that they could no longer do their work, as the Government was obstructing it. Effectively, Parliament resigned by firing the Government. There is no "winner" in this scenario. Except possibly the Canadian electorate, who have the opportunity to make better choices (I can dream, right?)

Now, on to what's going on:

3. One of the 19 federal political parties is presently staging a campaign of fear that this election is going to ruin us, our economy, our fragile social fabric, and to avoid the implosion of the entire country our ONLY CHOICE is to return them (the ones who were just fired for obstructing the business of Parliament, remember) to office. Review point 1 above - if a single person had been found in contempt - it could be in jail by now.

4. That party is continuing its pattern of behaviour, telling outright lies (anything with the word "coalition"), covering up that criminals have been working for it, throwing students out of rallies (see also "G20"), keeping journalists muzzled, and still refusing to answer to the Canadian people for its past and intended actions. It seems this is an attempt to keep us scared enough to acquiesce. All the while trying to demonize the other parties with attack ads and US Republican-styled propaganda. (read the fine print at the bottom of that page).

5. Admittedly, and alarmingly, it seems that few if any of the other parties really have the coherent support to make sure this does not happen all over again. There is a bit of hope coming up related to one, but I'm not taking it to the bank yet.

What do we do about this?

6. EDUCATE YOURSELVES about what is really going on. It is not hard in this day and age. All the party platforms are or will soon be available on line. Look at what they are and aren't talking about. Follow several media outlets, and read more than just the party press releases. For many of us, it wouldn't hurt to review the basics of Canadian Parliamentary Democracy. ust a reminder: You don't vote for the PM and actually, you don't vote for the party, either. Return to my 2008 ranting during the so-called "coalition crisis". Or find a 10th grader and borrow their civics text. Get on Twitter. Find some funny pundits to follow, but then read the sources they point you to.

7. A bit of layperson's advice: Tune out ALL the threats of the dire state and fragility of The Economy. Economic analysts of all stripes have made it clear that the economy will do what it will do, no better or worse than it was going to two weeks ago, after May 2nd. The economy won't give a rat's toot who wins this election, and neither will your weekly budget. The parties all want you to THINK it will, to convince you that only they can offer you security and stability. It's all a lie, so don't buy that from anyone.

8. Instead - look at what the parties offer to the citizenship of Canada to help them move forward to become self-actualized individual citizens in a compassionate collective. What's really important - now, next month, 10 years from now, 20 years? Is it tax breaks? Allowing citizens and journalists of all views to assemble and participate in democratic process? Environmental initiatives? Expanding public pensions? Finding local food? Open and transparent governance? You really need to do some reading here, but fortunately it's not hard.

9. Finally - VOTE. On May 2nd, or on April 22, 23 or 25th. Get out there, armed with your information and understanding, and make a difference in where Canada goes next.

Party Web sites: Check 'em out yourselves.

http://www.blocquebecois.org/accueil.aspx

http://www.conservative.ca

http://www.greenparty.ca

http://www.liberal.ca

http://www.ndp.ca

Election Rant Can Wait. Here is a 6-year-old Doing Something Important

Alright, so I tend to blog when something's really bugging me... Like politics. And you'll get the ranting soon, but it's all tangled up in my brain right now and I can't be articulate yet about everything I'm feeling ranty about.

Recreationally (as opposed to politically) my Twitter universe includes Neil Gaiman, because I like his books and his voice and he goes interesting places and tweets interesting and thinky tweets. One of his interesting Tweets today was this one:

RT @tafallen: 6yr old Jack's raising £ for Edinburgh Sick Kids Hospital. Donate & he'll draw you a pic:www.jackdrawsanything.com

Now, I'm sure he's busy and often just fires of an interesting RT as a favour to someone, and I don't look at all of them but the URL sounded cute, so I went and looked at JackDrawsAnything
Not only is it totally adorable - what a great kid to be thinking on this kind of scope at 6 yrs old. I think it says a lot about him and his family that he's doing this. I have a sneaking suspicion after Mr. Gaiman's little plug that Jack is going to have to hire help. I had a look through his drawings so far, and I sent him a couple of pounds (they're using a verified online charity site, not a personal account). I felt like sharing the email I sent too, just because it was fun to write, and while I usually keep my support local, I believe strongly that hospitals everywhere providing free care need everything they can get. (You all know I'd not be here without them). If this little guy gets the idea now how important his work is, what do you imagine he may accomplish through the rest of his life?

---

Hello, Jack!

A very nice writer named Neil Gaiman uses the Twitter service on the Internet, and he heard about you doing drawings to raise money for Sick Kids Hospital. Mr. Gaiman has over 1 million people who follow him on Twitter because they like what he writes, and he told them ALL about you! That is how I heard about you. I think you've come up with a wonderful project to support a great cause. I work for a company that writes computer software to make XRay pictures easy to read and store and share so all the doctors can see them really really well and use them to help make sick kids better, so there's a lot I like about giving money to hospitals. I was also really really sick once and almost died, and a good hospital like yours but in Canada helped me a great deal which is why I didn't die.

I don't live in the UK so I usually give money to my own hospital, but I have visited Edinburgh and thought it was great there. I liked your project so much I sent a bit of money to you for Sick Kids.

If you get a chance, I wonder if you could draw my Siamese cats for me? Siamese cats have a special sort of colour. They're pale-beige coloured but have dark gray or black noses, ears, tails and feet, and they have very very bright blue eyes. I have two of these kind of cats, named Blue and Sudo. Blue is a "blue point" which means she is pale gray coloured and dark gray on her ears, nose, feet and tail and Sudo is called a Seal point which means he is light brown with black ears, nose, feet and tail.

I think you are going to be very very busy with all the drawing. I understand you still have to go to school and eat your meals and sleep and I bet your parents have some chores for you to help with, so I completely understand if you can't do this drawing for a long time. That's OK. Keep up the great work!

Sincerely,
Johanna B
From Waterloo, Ontario, Canada.

Gadgety!

Check it out!

That there armbanded gizmo is my new pancreas! We went on-line at 10 this morning. I'm still trying to think up a name for it.

It's the Minimed Paradigm VEO insulin pump w/CGM (Continuous Glucose Monitoring) capability. I'm not using the CGM yet, as the protocol commonly seems to be get the pump started, and test, test, test, then start the sensor to do all the in-between metering.

So far today we've dealt with the abrupt cessation of background insulin, a delayed first meal, followed by a somewhat substantial brunch for that first meal, a late lunch, an RPM workout, and then a carby pasta dinner and a Valentine treat (I don't have the results for that one yet, waiting for my post-meal-test alert still). My early suspicion is that at least my meal dosage will need to increase, as I suspect the diabetes team was a bit conservative in my dosages. No hypos, though, and the highs weren't crazy-bad-high, but were double-digits.

It's going to be a little bit to get used to. The nurse who did my boot-up this morning mentioned a few things that hadn't occurred to me... like going to the bathroom when you have a pump clipped to your pants but the infusion set stuck into your upper belly can require a bit of juggling - the tubing's only 23 inches. Ooops. And apparently doorknobs are a known hazard. As are pets who chew on things they find lying in the bed when you're asleep, like plastic tubing. Sudo doesn't typically chew, but Blue lately has decided she likes chewing on the odd elastic-like thing she finds. Sudo does, though, pick things up and carry them off. He already did that with the plastic cap from the insertion set. I can see I am going to have to organize, inventory, and lock up the heap of supplies I'll now need for this thing.

I survived my first gym workout, without anything coming unglued or falling off me, and without any hypo reactions though I did drop from 8 something to 4-something over the hour workout. I happened to grab a shirt that had an MP3 player pocket which held the pump at my shoulder - nice! Except it's only one shirt and I need 4-5 workout shirts a week and none of my branded ones (I try to wear the team colour for teaching) have that pocket. So, accessories on the list to try are a runner's race number belt which has a small zippered pouch, and some elastic armbands such as the one in the picture above. If those all fail, apparently I can buy a sports harness for it that goes over the shoulders and holds the pump mid-back, under a shirt.

That's day 1 so far. Tomorrow we resume normal workday activities after a morning doctor visit, and then Wednesday is a full day - work then gym.

I'm off now to figure out how to turn off all the middle of the night beepy things so as not to wake spouse when I have to get up and test at 3 am. There will, I hope, only be a few days of THAT to deal with, or I'll be punchy from the lack of sleep. More pump adventures soon!

Why do I care? Why do you?

I was scolded last week for caring more about anonymous strangers on another continent than loved ones closed to home. Never mind by whom or context - not important. I feel it is important to point out that it's not true - I care a great deal about my friends & family, more than I do for "strangers" absolutely. But I don't see a measure of care as some finite resource I can only dole out so far nor does it have a fixed depth or quality. So, I DO care to a point about people I "don't know", and I'm rather engaged in what's going on around the world. I think the accusation came from someone else's own anxieties being projected on where my head was at the time. Like I said, context not that important. But the remark made me think, and led to this post. Why, exactly, do I care? Why do I feel that engagement?

I don't need to reiterate what's going on in Egypt. Turn on the news, open the Twitter feed, just listen - many better qualified than I to report and analyse the facts are doing so. I'm writing about why I feel something about it. On one level, the answer is, I care for the same reason I cared about Tienanmen Square, about Iran last year, about Haiti a year after the earthquake, about the ongoing struggles Afghanistan is having. That, I suppose, is just analogy, not reason. I think I care because I find it horrifying and appalling to think that in a world that should offer some basic securities to everyone that power-hungry abusers masquerading as "government" or fancying themselves some other entitled sort can still assault, abuse, torment and even murder their own citizens. And I find it relieving, exciting, and hopeful to see citizens claiming, reclaiming, reforming and recreating their democracies. So watching those two things happen in rapid alternation in Egypt draws me in to a bit of an emotional yo-yo.

Still, at the risk of sounding like a pesky toddler, my detached self-assessor brain looks back and me and says "Yeah, but WHY?". I think I have a few underlying reasons.

I like to think - hope -I'm at least somewhat empathetic, and I can be imaginative, not always in a good way. Honestly, watching and hearing about other people being hurt in a fight for something they (and I) believe is right, is distressing. It's human to try to put such stories into one's own context, so one absorbs a bit of it. I'm not sure I'd want to NOT be that way. I think it's better than not feeling anything at all over the conditions other humans are in when they're hurting. I'm not sure I'd be a good neighbour or fellow citizen if I didn't feel distressed at someone else's hurt, risk, and struggle for a value I also hold.

It also makes me think a bit about the family culture I grew up in and some awareness I think was ingrained in me from that. Growing up, I was the 3rd of 3 generations which included not-too-far removed relatives who served in military roles. I had great-uncles who served in WWII, my father was a US serviceman during the Vietnam years, an uncle has made a long and distinguished career with the Canadian Armed Forces and NATO. Another uncle travelled overseas to sometimes challenging areas as a foreign service worker. At least two cousins have seen military service in peacekeeping missions, one in Afghanistan. Though I've not had deep conversations with them on their experiences, I think I grew up knowing that my family in general valued democracy and freedom and included people who would travel far to fight for it or foster it. I also absorbed an awareness that those near and dear could still be very far away, and in dangerous places - as are many Canadians, and friends and families of Canadians, in Egypt right now. So it doesn't always feel like I care "about strangers". Someone over there could be someone I went to school with, could be a colleague, could be a friend of a friend or an acquaintance of a relative. Someone over there is fighting for much the same reason that soldiers fought in World Wars, fought Nazis, fought other despots and abusers, and I guess a small part of me feels I want to stand up for those values and feels a little helpless that I can just watch and listen and ... care.

I think a final reason that I care is that watching the collective citizenship of another country rise up to claim or reclaim their democracy makes me wonder, and want to analyze what goes on in my own version of that concept. Please spare me any comments along the lines of Canada has it so good, I should just shut up. I'm living right now with a government the behaviour of which has been concerning in its abuses of some of our processes for the partisan purposes of the minority government rather than the best interest of its citizens. I am privileged that I don't have to worry about the Prime Minister's personal police squad kicking down my door in the night. This does not mean I have no concern when a minority government concentrates police powers and supports them in using anonymity and brutal tools to assault protesters at the G20. This does not mean I have no care when policy decisions are made that are against the best interests of the most disadvantaged citizens. I think to see how far a citizen of another country has to go to claim what a Canadian takes to be a self-evident right makes me care more for the state of our own democracy and more that we do what we can and what we need to assure it is maintained. So, really, caring about "strangers" "far away" comes from caring about the nearest and dearest here at home, as well.

It's not the destination, it's the journey....

... in so many ways.

No secret that I have some wellness challenges. Diabetes, and a weird form of it no less, for one. My BMI (eg, my "weight") has been high - all my post-adolescent life. Even when I was smaller and fitter than I am now, I was "overweight" according to "the charts". Adding to things, as I age, I'm starting to show the signs of some familial glitches that come up in my ancestry - the aches and pains of osteoarthritis, a tendency to "put my neck out" way too easily, sleep problems that lead to chronic pain and a vague diagnosis of "fibromyalgia", and oddly disturbing possible autoimmune problems. I'm adding signs of insulin resistance to the fact that I'm insulin deficient - making me a rarer (but slowly growing) breed of diabetic who is both Type 1 and Type 2 at once.

It's really tempting to just write myself off and sit around and take painkillers. Admittedly, right now I just popped a Robax or I won't get through my day to my 2nd workout.

Yep, that's the point - my 2nd workout. I also teach fitness classes, and some pretty tough ones at times. This week, being release week at GoodLife, I have a heck of a week. 6 workouts between this morning and Thursday evening, though some will be lighter than others. I went this morning to catch some of my superstar colleagues kicking off the new release before I have to team up with a buddy for it tomorrow. Tonight and Wednesday, I teach my own class of the current program before premiering the new one. It can be tough - working out hurts sometimes. But I find not working out hurts worse, quickly, so I try to ride that line between just enough and not too much.

I got a little boost to my determination today, as I ran into a morning class (always a challenge) with an increasingly spasmed shoulder (always inconvenient) and worsening headache. I caught the eye of a member at the gym, and got a big smile.

This lady must've been 75 years old, at least. Maybe older - when you're active and happy, it's hard for me to tell, people just look "older than me" or "younger than me". This woman was older, but who knows how much. She looked like a tiny, round, Russian granny. She was wearing a long, calico skirt. Big baggy socks. An oversized sweatshirt, and a kerchief tied over her head and under her chin. The outfit would have been completely appropriate standing out in the barnyard with a milking bucket. Except for one thing. She had bright, shiny, white crosstrainers on, and was doing a determined job of showing the treadmill who's boss. While I pounded away on my steel wheel in the bike studio, she marched along. She finished her hike after at least 45 mins, I think, and when I walked out of the studio, she'd switched to some of the circuit machinery and was gently but steadily working her shoulder, and chatting away with some other women in the club. It was beautiful to see, especially since this was at a co-ed club where women sometimes don't feel as welcome as in womens-only facilities.

I couldn't stop smiling and had to share why with my colleagues working the desk - they were grinning as well. What an inspiration for everyone.

I hope I've got that kind of life in me at that age, and I hope I can keep in mind why I do this. I'm not elite, and never will be. I'll probably not see a single-digit clothing size, ever. It's not about my weight or my BMI. It's being able to keep my feet under me, and my legs steady, lift my own loads and keep some of those other, more important numbers (glucose, cholesterol, blood pressure) back where they should be. The goal is not the goal. The goal is about keeping going. It's the journey.

Resolutions... or Not.

I'm not that keen on "New Year's Resolutions". Really, just trying to cope with the everyday is sometimes enough. I'm ALWAYS trying to get to some goal, so really, all I'd "resolve" to do is... keep at it.

However, 2010 became rather disorganized, probably due to my divided attention, in the fibre arts aspects of life, so I'm aiming, in 2011, to at least get some stuff done and off the WIP or work-in-progress list. So, in lieu of "resolutions", I hereby publicly list the articles begun in 2010 (or maybe earlier, in 1 or 2 cases) that need to get finished.

1. Wisteria

This will likely be done first. A sweater pattern I was coveting was gifted to me at Xmas 2009, and I dug up the yarn and started work last summer.

2. More Monsters

I don't know if this is really a "WIP" or just an ongoing habit, but my current walking-around project is just more and more sock monsters. Here's the latest on-the-go:

Here's the finished look:

3. Sea Tangles

Hoping to get this done for a spring/summer pullover. Stainless Steel yarn - fun.

4. Montgolfiere

Overdue socks, originally thought to be for Adam but they're too small - for Dad.

Yes, they appear to be two different colours. The yarn has long colour changes in it, they're done in the same yarn - different spots.

5. Dark Earth, Night Sky - my variant on the Hanami Stole (Ravelry needed for that link).

6. I really need some fingerless gloves to go with the mitten tops I finished a while back (if I can find the mitten tops).

7. Progressive Sock Party

I've pretty much given up on Ravelry Sockdown! accomplishments, but hope I can still get these done. I'll be taking them along for my stranded knitting demo at guild next week.

Doubtless there are number more - some have been WIPs so long they're in the permanent snooze pile. I will work on blog updates as they finish, so I guess I can add that to my "resolutions" or not - more finished objects, and more blog posts. Here's to trying.